I’m not sure when precisely it happened, maybe in my mid-20s, but my body cannot tolerate spicy foods any more. It (my body) rejects them orally, gastrointestinally, and sleepily.
I’m not sure if you know this but Switzerland is not in America.
Actor 1. He stands before a camera in a room that usually serves as a conference room. A condescending casting director who is really just a bitter, failed actor sits on the other side of a long plastic table. Headshots, resumes, lunch wrappers, and various office supplies are splayed out before the casting director. He’s…
Just like the 2016 election, I’ve been hacked. Oft have I thought of myself as a formal group decision-making process but now I have the proof! It was a brisk November day (cue the contemplative instrumental music) when I got a text from my aunt. She told me to check out my website (this very…
You guys know I’m basically Oprah, in so far as I believe it to be my responsibility to guide the human race toward enlightenment and joy. I’m always here for an encouraging word and advice. I’ll probably have my own TV network at some point. We know this. In the meantime, I would like to…
Monday night of this week was a dark night of the soul for me. Okay, it was more like a dusky evening of my mind if I’m being honest. I just needed to grab your attention. Basically I laid in bed having a pity party for myself. “Pity, party of 1? Your table is…
There are worse things than being alone. There are worse things than being alone. There are worse things than being alone. I said it over and over again as tears pooled near the bridge of my nose. Underneath the covers I was in a tight fetal position with my arms wrapped around my chest,…
I’m willing to bet money that you thought I was dead. I’m even willing to bet money that some of you were hoping I was dead. Clearly if I’m not blogging then I must be laying in a ditch somewhere (side note: why is our collective default “dead in a ditch?” I legitimately couldn’t tell…
**Warning: this post contains NSFW language and extreme hilarity** Hello children. Do you remember that one time I promised you a new blog post every Friday? Do you remember how it’s now technically Monday and I didn’t post a thing over the weekend? Yeah. Me neither. Let’s move on. For those of you who religiously…
Please don’t anyone be mad at me but I’m about to start another story and not finish it. It’s just how it goes! Life happens and I’m easily distracted. I will bring you Roman Holiday pt. II in the near future. I will also finish this story. I promise. In the meantime, enjoy this little…
This is a demo store for testing purposes — no orders shall be fulfilled. Dismiss