I have no idea what to write about this week, you guys. I’m sorry. But rather than give you nothing, I’m going to produce a little shitty something for you. Perhaps by the end of it, you’ll have discovered that sometimes nothing is better than something. By the end, you may wish to unsubscribe (full…
I’ve been working ever since I was 12. I’d love to claim that I was a child-star-turned-serious-adult-actor-a-la-Neil-Patrick-Harris, but “work” means something different here. Since age 12, I’ve held down a day job (oftentimes it was multiple day jobs). Here are a few ways that I’ve scraped together an income over the years: receptionist, dog walker,…
[Warning: This post contains discussion of bodily functions. There will be minimal detail and lots of euphemism. If that’s still not your jam, check out this cat video instead.] It’s high time we have the bathroom talk, you guys. And by that, I mean I’m high in the bathroom…so let’s talk! Everybody does it, so I’m…
I had a most magical and touching moment last weekend. My uncle (hitherto known as Uncle) was in town for an art conference here in the ATL. In spite of everyone’s busy schedules, we managed to get together for dinner. It was me, Uncle, Mom, Sister, Brother-in-Law, Niece, Nephew, and Uncle’s GF (Rachel). We sat at…
Just like the 2016 election, I’ve been hacked. Oft have I thought of myself as a formal group decision-making process but now I have the proof! It was a brisk November day (cue the contemplative instrumental music) when I got a text from my aunt. She told me to check out my website (this very…
Earlier this year I was in a movie called Love, Simon. I was in two little baby scenes. It was maybe 8 seconds of screen time (if I’m being generous) but I said some words and you saw my face. My fully-3-dimensional-actualized-developed-wholly-human character’s name was ‘Math Teacher’ although I called him Chuck. When the movie…
“Aaaaaahhhhh!!! I fucking hate this fucking bitch!!” Sofia screamed at the tippy top of her lungs. Screaming had become the preferred mode of expression inside our North Hollywood apartment. Okay, technically it was a ‘Valley Village’ apartment but I tell people ‘North Hollywood.’ That’s only if they’ve never been to Los Angeles. If they have, then…
You guys know I’m basically Oprah, in so far as I believe it to be my responsibility to guide the human race toward enlightenment and joy. I’m always here for an encouraging word and advice. I’ll probably have my own TV network at some point. We know this. In the meantime, I would like to…
I really had to dig deep to find a writing topic this week. Some may call it “writer’s block.” I simply call it “empty brain.” For the last two weeks or so I’ve been struggling with empty brain. It truly feels like there’s nothing inside my head except Crossfit, my next meal, and this one…
“Where in the world has Patrick been?” This is a fantastic question that I’m sure no one was asking. I took a little hiatus from blogging to work on another project. Sorry, such is life. I’m sure you’ve been waiting on bated breath for my return. You may now breathe deeply, friend. Two weeks…